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  • Brooke Aymes

How To Tell if Anxiety is Sabotaging our Relationship


Our mental health can have a significant influence on our most intimate relationships. If we struggle with anxiety, it is possible that our anxious thoughts could be unintentionally causing harm in our relationship with our partner. There are a few different ways that our anxiety can develop and a few different ways that our anxiety can negatively impact our relationship with our partner.

A couple in couples therapy discussing how anxiety and insecurity is impacting their relationship.

We may have abandonment issues from childhood that has created abandonment anxiety. Abandonment anxiety comes as a result of childhood loss and/or attachment issues with our parents. If we experienced someone suddenly passing away or experienced loosing a significant relationship unexpectedly during childhood than we are more likely to fear that we could be abandoned in our relationships in adulthood. If our physical and/or emotional needs were not met by our parents than we may also feel like our partner will not be able to meet our needs and will likely abandon us.


We may have experienced an unhealthy or toxic relationship with a significant other in the past that has decreased our self esteem and increased our anxiety and insecurity.


We might just naturally be a more anxious person and have more anxious thoughts throughout the day without any adverse childhood experiences or unhealthy relationships.


The origin of our anxiety is helpful for self awareness, however it is not always the most important piece of the puzzle when it comes to understanding how our anxiety may be impacting our relationships. Here are some clear signs that our anxiety might be negatively impacting our most significant relationships:


  • We are constantly worrying if our partner is going to leave the relationship.

  • Seeking reassurance in the relationship. For example-- questioning if our partner is still interested in us or needing constant acts of service like flowers and compliments.

  • We may appear clingy and needy in our relationships constantly demanding the love that we needed from our parents.

  • Attention Seeking

  • Experiencing symptoms of Depression

  • Excessive Worry about the relationship and our partner's feelings

  • Not Feeling Good Enough

  • We might avoid intimacy physically and emotionally to avoid being vulnerable and even sabotage healthy relationships due to fear.

  • Trust Issues

  • Low Self-Esteem

  • Fear of Intimacy

  • Codependency


The overwhelming fear related to abandonment can cause us to behave in undesirable ways. Behaving in undesirable ways most times pushes our partner away and actually encourages our partner to leave the relationship making our fears into reality.






ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nj Addiction therapist Brooke Aymes climbing Mt. Tammany at the Delaware Water Gap as a form of self care

Hey, I'm Brooke --I'm a licensed anxiety and addiction therapist serving individuals, adolescents and couples in the states of New Jersey, Delaware and Florida. My experience brings both a personal and professional perspective to the work that I do with my clients. If you are interested in learning more about the therapy process and would like to schedule a free consultation, I would love to chat with you!



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